Zombie Survival Armor For School Children Orders Obama

Zombie Survival Armor For School Children Orders Obama

zombie survival armor

WASHINGTON – Zombie Survival Armor For School Children Orders Obama

Wednesday the Obama Administration announced phase two of the Common Core program in schools. The next phase will be regular survival training for the zombie apocalypse.

America’s children will receive regular training in tactics, survival, nutrition, and will be issued zombie survival armor. Parents across America were immediately concerned with their children losing access to their current teachers. In response, the President held a short press briefing.

“If you like your teacher, you can keep your teacher. Period,” Mr. Obama said in response to concerns. While surrounded by armed guards he also took the opportunity to remind Americans that guns are dangerous. He reiterated that he intends to continue his efforts to create laws aimed at gun rights.

“Though we are moving into phase two of the Common Core system, we need to fight gun violence. That means making it harder for law abiding citizens to obtain guns,” the President continued, “I know this doesn’t make any sense but neither does Common Core. Zombies are not a threat to regular Americans. I need all of my armed guards to keep me safe so I can keep doing my job for America.”

Common Core Math

The elite are exempt

As is often the case for high ranking government officials, their children are exempt. Mr. Obama’s children will not attend training or be issued any zombie combat equipment. Instead, as reported by RadarOnline, we expect the Obama girls to be gifted dresses valued at $40,000. This seems more appropriate for children of the elite. It wouldn’t do to have the First Kids attending State Dinners and events in tactical gear or armed with life protecting firearms.

Stay safe America, the Zombie War is already here. Zombie Hustle will continue to publish daily world zombie news to keep you informed!


Zombie Survival Armor For School Children Orders Obama

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